mermaid

1st phase sketch inspired by beluga whales and the following daydream:

i want to be a mermaid in seafoam green i want my hair to bleach until it’s nearly translucent. i want my eyelashes so light and thick that if i close my eyes your depth perception gets mucked. i want to feel good slipping into the cold and murky tirade of our moon’s patterns, i want to wash my heart, sun myself on slick rocks. i want to be half mermaid and half oranges-eating changeling. if i am a changeling then my energy and efforts and the lack of requital makes sense. then also i will have some invisible armor, woven from myth and vague playful memories. i can choose to be hard with justification because i am something that must be protected, something that must be respected, must be loved unconditionally, madly, like a poison. i am dangerous. i will be a sick siren, a scream so high-pitched that it will relentlessly vibrate against your insides, i will slowly chew and then spew venom that eats at your thickest fibers, i will be the ever-promise of eternal magic that you let go, whose spirit you destroyed almost completely (you will secretly know i have recovered ten-fold and now blossom in the freedom of my half-existence). i will be the thing you almost caught, almost tamed, almost forgot, and then lost.

i will move to my own fairytale cottage and i will get a sewing machine and hole myself up away from all the vampires. i will have a garden of herbs, fennel and basil and cilantro, lavender, and lime and orange and lemon trees,
i want to be a chlorine swimming pool mermaid, i want to be invisible under the dead leaves. i will cover my body with a mud mask and lie in my backyard and then play in the sprinkler to wash it all off.